- Keep it brief (less than one page)
- Personally address it (ie not the dreaded 'To whom it may concern', or to 'Dear agent' when you're querying a submissions editor)
- Clearly state the book's title, wordcount, and genre
- Keep it professional (don't talk about your cats, kids, muse or fever dreams or religion)
- Describe the book's plot and characters in a compelling way
This post is more about the main body of the query letter, which is the description of your novel that's meant to entice whoever you're querying to request or look at your sample or full. In essence, that series of paragraphs that looks and sounds a lot like what you'd read on the back of your book if you picked it up in a book store. With that said, onto my personal tips, including examples from the query-process for The Druid Stone!
1. Write your query before you write.
If, like most, you're looking up query writing help because you're about to submit your manuscript, then this tip isn't going to be much help to you. But keep it in mind for next time.
I always write a blurb for every story I write, before I put down a single word of my first draft. For me, it's a part of the brain storming process, and a way to harness my initial excitement about a plot idea. Now, I'm not saying that when you've finished the book and are submitting you should send in these initial scribblings, but they're great as a base to work from. Here's why: after you've written a book, you understand its full complexity. All the subplots and themes, all the nuances of character, how you resolve all the plots, everything. Trying to distill all that down to a couple hundred words of a blurb can be downright painful. However, when you pre-write your blurb, you're often just writing about the big ideas: who's your main character? What's the concept hook? What's the main conflict that your character must overcome? Use this broader understanding of your book (as well as the enthusiasm you had when you just started writing) to help shape your query blurb.
Here's my pre-draft blurb for The Druid Stone:
It’s a family business.2. Write a super short-form version.
As far back as written records go (and possibly even farther still), Cormac Kelly’s ancestors have all been paranormal investigators. And not those silly blokes you see on American telly chasing down tapping sounds and ‘cold feelings’, either. Possessions, hauntings, angry sidhe, curses, witchcraft... you name it, he has the pedigree and know-how to fix it and get everything back to normal... as normal as Ireland ever gets, anyway.
As the years go on, though, the genuine calls get less frequent as many potential customers get too ‘modern’ to ask for his help, leaving only those wishy-washy types who want so badly to believe in something but wouldn’t know real magic if it bit them in the arse. So when he gets a call from Sean O’Hara, a so-called ‘cursed’ American, he figures it’s another case of chance coincidences, leaky old plumbing, and he-said-she-said superstition. When he tries to let his new caller down easy though, saying he only consults in Ireland, he never expects for him to show up on the doorstep with not much else besides a rucksack and a harried smile. And he definitely doesn’t expect Sean to be so devastatingly handsome.
Credit for this tip isn't mine, but should actually go to my old college friend, B.
Faced with a sprawling eight-hundred word query blurb, for a then 130k novel, I complained to B that I was having a hard time getting it all down to two hundred and fifty words. B, in reply, told me "cut it down to a hundred."This might seem like taking an already hard task and making it absolutely impossible, but try it! Open a blank document and force yourself to stay under fifty words. You'll be tearing your hair out, but after adding and subtracting and adding and subtracting and adding and subtracting, you'll end up distilling your manuscript down to its very essence. The bare minimum needed to get your plot across. Once you've reached that magic fifty, add words (and detail) until you get to that 250-300 word sweet spot.
Here's the MASSIVE blurb I originally wrote after finishing the manuscript for The Druid Stone:
It’s a family business.And here's the super short hundred word version:
As far back as written records go (and possibly even farther still), Cormac Kelly’s ancestors have all been paranormal investigators. And not those silly blokes you see on American telly chasing down tapping sounds and ‘cold feelings’, either. Possessions, hauntings, angry sidhe, curses, witchcraft... you name it, he has the pedigree and know-how to fix it and get everything back to normal... as normal as Ireland ever gets, anyway.
As the years go on, though, the genuine calls get less frequent as many potential customers get too ‘modern’ to ask for his help, leaving only those wishy-washy types who want so badly to believe in something but wouldn’t know real magic if it bit them in the arse. So when he gets a call from Sean O’Hara, a so-called ‘cursed’ American, he figures it’s another case of chance coincidences, leaky old plumbing, and he-said-she-said superstition. When he tries to let his new caller down easy though, saying he only consults in Ireland, he never expects for him to show up on the doorstep with not much else besides a rucksack and a harried smile. And he definitely doesn’t expect Sean to be just his type.
Sean O'Hara doesn't like his own name, and he's got some damn good reasons. His mother’s last name was Pérez, making Sean half-Cuban, and for the entirety of his twenty-three years, his father’s family hasn’t let him forget it. He never asked to be born an O’Hara, but then, he never asked for most of the cards life dealt him. He’s made the best of them, anyway. Freshly graduated from night college, he has a modest savings account and a plan: get a paid internship in DC, an apartment that isn’t in somebody else’s basement, and a girlfriend. For once, it all seems to be going his way -- right up until a chance encounter with a malicious great-grandfather leaves him with a cursed family heirloom and a horrible recurring nightmare he just can’t shake. Feeling his sanity slip farther away with every sleepless night, he seeks out the help and expertise of Cormac Kelly, druid-for-hire, sacrificing his savings and his future to take a last-minute trip to Ireland in the hopes of setting it all right.
From the get-go, Cormac seems to go out of his way to be as unhelpful and inhospitable as possible, stopping just short of spitting in Sean’s face. It doesn’t take long, though, for Sean to stumble into enough trouble for Cormac to start taking his problem seriously. If only he could get the Irishman to treat him seriously too. It’s strange, actually, how much he wants Cormac’s approval, stranger still that he finds he just can’t stop looking at him, and in a way he’s never looked at another man before. Can the pair of them learn to work together and respect one another long enough to figure out what’s plaguing Sean? And just what does what started a year ago in Boston for Sean have to do with what happened to Cormac’s mysterious ex Michael a decade ago here in Ireland? And when the case leads Cormac and Sean through the otherworldly territory of the capricious, deadly powerful sidhe lords, will they and their allies escape alive... and sane? Every twist of the mystery draws Cormac and Sean closer together as they struggle against supernatural forces, their own haunted pasts, and the long history of Ireland. They’re not sure whether what they have is love or just a potent mixture of adrenaline, desperation, and raw desire, but as the stakes get higher, they’ll have to find out.
Cormac Kelly’s ancestors took on the worst of Irish folklore, but modern Ireland has little use for his time-honored skills. Disillusioned, he never expects that when Sean O’Hara shows up on his doorstep, the gorgeous American could be bringing along real old magic.Finally, here's the extended version:
Sean never asked to be an O’Hara, and he didn’t ask to be cursed by one either. He also didn’t ask for the attitude he gets from druid-for-hire Cormac, who’s too cynical and too good-looking for the job. But when Ireland’s old myths become reality, shared danger and undeniable desire forge an unlikely bond between the embattled pair.
Cormac Kelly’s ancestors took on the worst forces of Irish folklore, but modern Ireland doesn’t seem to have much use for his skills. Disillusioned by a string of paranormal investigation cases that end in mundane explanations, he never expects that when Sean O’Hara shows up uninvited on his doorstep, the American could be bringing along real old magic. And he definitely doesn’t expect surly Sean to be just his type.3. Choose key words.
Sean never asked to be an O’Hara, and he didn’t ask to be cursed by one either. He also didn’t ask for the attitude he gets from druid-for-hire Cormac, who’s miserable, inhospitable, and way better looking than he has the right to be. And Sean can’t stand him. He’s also Sean’s last chance to break the curse. After all, if they can just figure out how to work together, Sean can go back to his real life: a political internship, a move away from Boston, and if he ever gets the time, a girlfriend.
But Cormac and Ireland have different plans for Sean, and as his case unfolds, the pair find themselves at the centre of a mystery that drives them into the realms of deadly sidhe lords, the depths of Ireland’s -- and sometimes their own -- dark past, and even each other’s arms. But can anything that comes out of these desperate circumstances ever be called love?
Choose words that fit the tone of your book (epic, somber, funny, etc.), the genre (urban fantasy, M/M, romance), the characters and what's unique about them, key plot points, etc. Generate a list, and then use that to guide your writing. Your query is meant to sell your book. It sells an agent on requesting pages. It sells an acquiring editor on reading your submission. It sells an eventual reader on buying your book, since it often forms the basis for the Back Cover Copy. Make it punchy, make it indicative of your writing style and the tone of the book (give a funny book a funny blurb, give a tragedy a serious wistful one, etc.), but above all, make sure it shows all the ways your book is unique, compelling, and worth reading. What makes your book stand out? What are you particularly proud of? What's creative about it? What're the most important aspects that really define the plot?
For The Druid Stone, here were our main points:
- It takes place in Ireland
- Cormac Kelly is a disillusioned Druid-for-hire
- Magic isn't as important in Ireland
- Sean O'Hara is mixed race and doesn't get along with his Irish side
- Sean is cursed by his Irish grandfather
- Sean has big life plans and is afraid of returning to former addiction
- Cormac thinks Sean is faking
- Cormac judges Sean for being American
- Sidhe lords are dangerous and crazy
- Sean and Cormac can't stand each other but are also hot for each other
- Is it really love when it's life and death?
Here's the main body of the query letter we eventually sent to Carina Press. How well do you think we did on getting across the above points?
(Salutation)And just for shits n' giggles (and also to illustrate how much a book's BCC can be influenced by the query letter blurb), here's the description of The Druid Stone from Carina's website:
Sean never asked to be an O’Hara, and he didn’t ask to be cursed by one either. He also didn’t ask for the attitude he gets from druid-for-hire Cormac Kelly, who’s miserable, inhospitable, and way better looking than he has the right to be. But Sean can either trust Cormac or go back to Boston and deal with the nightmares himself. Except he’s not dealing, not without stronger and stronger drugs. Last stop: heroin. And he never wants to go back there again.
Cormac runs a paranormal investigation business, not a nanny service for clueless American tourists like Sean. But Sean’s come to Ireland with real magic in his pocket, and even though Cormac is the descendant of legendary druids, he soon finds himself out of his depth, and not because Sean’s the first man he’s felt anything for in a long time.
Sean’s case attracts the unwelcome attention of the mad sidhe lords of ancient Ireland, who throw the pair backward in time, into Ireland’s violent history and their own dark pasts. The bond they develop is unpredictable, intensely sexual, and threatened at every turn, but powerful enough to be love...if they can ever escape the sidhe with their lives and sanity intact.
THE HOLLOW HILL is a completed 120,000 word urban fantasy with strong m/m romantic elements, created as both a stand-alone story and a potential series foundation.
Sean never asked to be an O'Hara, and he didn't ask to be cursed by one either.That's it for today, folks? So tell me, do you have any query-writing tips of your own? Resources? Sound off in the comments! :)
After inheriting a hexed druid stone from his great-grandfather, Sean starts reliving another man's torture and death...every single night. And only one person can help.
Cormac Kelly runs a paranormal investigation business and doesn't have time to deal with misinformed tourists like Sean. But Sean has real magic in his pocket, and even though Cormac is a descendant of legendary druids, he soon finds himself out of his depth...and not because Sean's the first man he's felt anything for in a long time.
The pair develop an unexpected and intensely sexual bond, but are threatened at every turn when Sean's case attracts the unwelcome attention of the mad sidhe lords of ancient Ireland. When Sean and Cormac are thrust backward in time to Ireland's violent history--and their own dark pasts--they must work together to escape the curse and save their fragile relationship.
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